Breathing Again

Next week Tommy will go for his growth stim test and I've been nervous about the test since we found out he needs it. In the last week I have begun planning activities to lead up to next week - happy things for us to talk about when he's in the hospital. I've pre-bought a few toys, downloaded some new apps on the ipad and tomorrow we are getting some books at the library. Tomorrow and Monday he'll hang out with his friend London. I'm trying to think about everything. I have already planned a trip to toys r us on Tuesday after I tell him he has to go to the hospital for the test. 

The test itself is stressful because he's never had these drugs, its an IV - etc. His diabetes complicates the test as well. I know he'll need to have his pump site changed the day before so we know it's working perfectly, there will be checks during the test to makes sure his blood sugar doesn't drop too low and he can't eat anything before the test which means if there is a middle of the night low the test is cancelled. 

So.... I have all of these thoughts running through my head and then Allison pees through a pull-up for the second time in a week. She has been asking for water more often, not eating too much and of course my mind goes right to diabetes. Last Valentines Day we received a letter telling us she has none of the auto antibodies to predict diabetes but that letter gave me no comfort this week. Tonight I figured for piece of mind I would test her blood sugar before bed. She was happy to get her blood sugar checked after Tommy and it killed me that she did it with a big smile on her face. Who would think one number could mean so much. As it turns out my worries were not needed - her blood sugar was 110 - not bad for 2 hours after a meal.  I started to breath again but only for a moment when Tommy said  when seeing the number flashing on the meter "it won't get sent to her pump (the blood sugar number) because she doesn't have diabetes - I do - sorry Allison". He was sorry she didn't have it and I was thinking how happy I was - but my happiness turned to guilt because he still does. 

Translation - today was a crappy day with a good turn out that made me feel crappy. Diabetes won this battle but I'll be back on my game tomorrow. Just like Tommy and Tom get good and bad days with their numbers I get good and bad days on how I deal with them. I'm happy the good days out number the bad by a LOT for all of us. Tomorrow will be better :)