Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Day of Diagnosis

The week leading up to Easter was a busy one. I was preparing for Easter, I took the kids to have their pictures taken wanting one last shot before our family expanded. I was also planning for Brady's arrival filling his closet with clothes he would need, cleaning bottles, buying all the things you need to fill Easter baskets and our home for a new baby. I did notice something in our crazy days - Tommy's thirst and his need to go to the bathroom EVERYWHERE we were. I now know where the bathroom is in just about every store we frequent. Then I noticed something that had never happened before - Tommy was having accidents. I had no idea what was going on. As it got closer to Easter his thirst had gotten worse he had gone from drinking 1 or 2 cups of juice and water to drinking that in less then an hour. I started giving him just water and figured we should make a trip to the doctor next week. His iron had been low in the past and I had wondered if that could have come back and been the cause but in the back of my mind and a thought I never said out loud - I wonder if he has diabetes. I was afraid if I said it I would be true.

So Easter weekend came and went and I had to co-op at his school on that Monday. Tom called the doctor and got Tommy an appointment for after lunch so we could get to the bottom of this problem. I prepared Tommy he may have to get his finger stuck and we brought a "fun" band-aid with us just in case. When we got to the doctor Tommy got to do the thing he found the most funny at his physical in December, pee in a cup. So he was having a good day - alone time with mom and a peeing in the cup moment at the doctor - he was happy. We waited in room 4 for the doctor. She came in and said Tommy had a lot of sugar in his urine and we had to go to the hospital. I asked if she thought he would need to stay and she said yes, probably for a few days. I didn't know what to say or do. I knew I couldn't be upset, I didn't want to scare Tommy so I went into Mommy mode.

I was glad Tom was home with Allison but I needed to find someone to come take care of her so he could come with us and I needed to pack for the hospital for Tommy and I. The ride home from the doctor was a blur. In between calling people to find someone to come to the house I was trying to explain what was about to happen to Tommy. How do you tell a 4 year old they need to stay at the hospital? I tried to be direct (because that works best with him) and let him know where we were going and why. I told him the doctor found lots of extra sugar in his body and we needed other doctors to look and find out why. I told him we would go to the hospital just like the place I had Allison and we might have to stay a few nights. I let him know I would be with him the whole time. He said ok and was excited about our "field trip" as he called it and we went home. I called Tom ahead of time to prep him - it allowed him time to process it all before we got there. I was trying to be as positive as I could because I didn't have the option to be upset at the time.

When I got home I did the best I could to write Allsion's schedule down and take out her food for a few days and make sure her bottles were ready. I packed for Tommy and I making sure all his favorite stuffed animals were with us. We arrived at the hospital around 4 and were taken right to the peds ER. At first they didn't do much, we waited, they asked questions and would stop by every once in a while. It wasn't till an hour had passed and began to think Tommy should eat that we starting asking what they were going to do and why we were waiting. As it turned out they were waiting for the endocrinologist to get there to admit him. Once they had their orders they put the IV in and took blood. That is when Tommy realized this wasn't a fun field trip. He was scared and I kept wishing I could take it all away. They took him to his room and he perked up a bit because he liked going for a ride in the wheelchair.

When we entered his room Tommy spotted the stuffed dog on the bed and was so excited to get a new friend. I saw the glucose meter and lots of other supplies we would be learning about. I took a deep breath because up until this point no one said he had diabetes and it was becoming very real. The nurse came in and explained the doctor would be in when she could. The doctor arrived at close to 10:00 pm - Tommy was tired and hungry - he just wanted to eat and go to bed. The doctor was so nice and kind and Tommy took to her right away. He was forgetting a bit about the IV and was enjoying the extra attention he was getting from everyone. The doctor began talking about the different kinds of insulin they use for kids Tommy's age, she was throwing around terms like carb coverage and A1C and I felt like yelling - are you sure he has diabetes - Tom was feeling the same way. She assured us the diabetic educator that was coming the next day would help us figure it all out and she would be back the following day. She left and Tommy got his first shot of Levemir and his blood tested. There are no words to describe what I felt and what Tommy must have been thinking. I was all happening so quickly.

Tom went home and I sat with Tommy till he fell asleep. I looked at this little boy asleep in the big hospital bed and I cried. I cried for him and how his world was changing, I cried for Allison and her first night without me, I cried for Brady who I would be having in 2 months and thought how will I have time for a newborn, I cried.

I am grateful though that our diagnosis story isn't like some where the children are very sick and need to be in ICU. I am grateful it was caught early and Tommy, although cranky, was in good health. You have to count your blessing where you can find them.

Sure I can Juggle

I never saw myself without a family. Even when my husband and I first started dating in high school I knew he was meant to be my husband and I knew I wanted a family. He always said he wanted 6 kids but after the first he scaled down to 3 or 4. HA! So I knew our house would be filled and our lives would be busy. I'm good at multi-tasking - I like having a lot to do. In school I always signed up for lots of activities and when I started work I worked jobs from home and started to teach. When Tommy was born I found having a baby is a new kind of busy. Your life becomes all about them and I loved it. After a few months we had a routine and we felt we'd be ready for baby #2 after Tommy turned 1. God had other plans and we waited for 3 1/2 years to welcome Allison. It was an adjustment to have a newborn and one in school. My days revolved around feedings and Tommy's school schedule. Some days were harder then others. Some days I woke up tired but as I discovered my sleepy mornings, afternoons, and evenings had more to do with being pregnant again than having 2 kids. It took a while for the shock to wear off and for me to come to terms with having a 4 year old, 1 year old and a newborn. How was I going to get anything done at home? How was I going to go to the store for food? How was I going to drop off and pick up from school? I stressed during feedings thinking about how was I going to be able to feed 2 children bottles at once? How can I give each of them the time they need? So many how, why, and whens entered my brain everyday. All those questions faded away on April 25th. Sitting in the hospital listening to the doctors after Tommy was diagnosed all the other questions just went away. It all seemed so silly to worry about now. The goal to learn all I needed to know to be able to bring Tommy home was all I was concerned with then. The day we came home from the hospital and I didn't have the nurses or the diabetic educator to turn to and make sure I was doing things correctly I realized my juggling act just got a bit more complicated. Tommy, who took pride in taking his lunch out, eating and cleaning everything up himself needed mom to look at what he was going to eat then mom needed to see what he had left on his plate. Going in the fridge and grabbing a juice box or grabbing a snack on the way to the playroom stopped. Luckily he adapted well and my juggling improved. As the months passed I found it easier to cope with the day to day strains of having so much responsibility.  Going to shop-rite with 3 kids isn't so bad and I find carrying 2 kids up the stairs to pick Tommy up is just a work out squeezed into my day. Meals are my toughest challenge and require the most amount of my juggling skills. Tommy needs his blood checked, he needs his lunch, and his insulin, Ally needs her lunch and Brady needs a bottle. It all sounds so easy but in the moment when you are adding carbs and Ally is asking for her milk and Brady is crying for his bottle it isn't so easy. I feel like I've claimed a victory for all moms when lunch is done. It's all over so quick and am thankful Tom is home to help with dinner. I live meal to meal - if I think about the whole day it's overwhelming. So can I juggle - sure - I've even learned to give insulin while feeding Brady a bottle - now that's talent.