As I sit in the hotel in Hershey I am reminded of something I always learned from having babies: you never brag when they sleep through the night because it will backfire on you. It happened with each of my kids, I would be so excited they slept I would tell the world and that same night they would be up. So you would think I would learn. Apparently bragging about a sleeping baby holds true for good blood sugar control as well. As I packed for our yearly trip to Hershey I worried about guessing how many carbs each meal would be. Dining out is difficult with three kids as it is but during the ciaos you also need to estimate how many carbs Tommy has eaten and hope for the best. So the days leading up to our trip caused me some stress. Tom is really good with estimating because he's had lots of experience but I'm new at the guessing game. So I thought ahead, I packed a measured out breakfast for each day so we would know that one meal would be accurate and we'd start the day on a good foot. Saturday went perfectly ...all good blood sugars...I was was so happy. By Sunday at lunch with more perfect numbers there were high fives exchanged. We had this! We were awesome! Dinner was going to be easy because Tommy wanted the same thing as the night before. I was so happy when he said that because I had written down everything from the prior night...yippy! Then they brought out the ice cream...now I know what you're thinking ...the boy has diabetes what are you giving him ice cream for. At home we have sugar free ice cream but it was his birthday and we wanted to be able to sing. So back to the ice cream - it looked like there was more than the night before so we adjusted his insulin accordingly. His pre bed number was on the boarder between giving him a 5 carb and 10 carb snack and we opted for the 10 because we didn't want him to go low and after all we have been right the whole weekend. Well we were WRONG! As per my diabetes mom contract I set my alarm for 3 am to check him just to make sure things are good and I found out what bragging got us. His blood sugar was 343 and his ketones were .9. Ugh. Ok what do you do...well 2 things bring down ketones and that is drinking and insulin. I had Tommy consume 50 carbs and drink lots of his juice. I gave him his insulin and now I sit and wait for all of that to go to work. It's peaceful to watch all the kids asleep, wonder what they're dreaming about, hoping in a few hours when they're up they will be kind to their very sleepy mom. I'm glad we are going home today. The kids miss their regular routine and I miss my kitchen scale and all my nutrition labels. I've learned two things on this trip: my daughter is old enough to go alone on a ride and you should never brag about good blood sugar!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Everyday Angels
I believe people are brought into your life at the exact moment you need to meet them. This became very clear to me the day we brought Tommy home from the hospital after his diagnosis. I wanted him to feel like himself, I wanted him to know he wasn't "sick" so when I needed to get some things for him from shop rite I offered for him to come along. He was so excited to get out and shop rite with Mom is always one of his favorite outings. So we made our way through the aisles finding his favorite things but now sugar free. He was happy he could still have chocolate milk and ice cream - things he thought he'd never have again. We even found a sugar free "juice" (also known as crystal light) that he might like. Our everyday angel appeared when we were checking out. Tommy being Tommy was chatting with the man ringing up the order telling him he was going to get sticker when we were leaving etc. Tommy started to play with his hospital bracelet that I had forgotten to cut off when we got home and just said casually to the man, "I have diabetes". The man's response "me too!" then he asked "do you check your blood sugar?" Tommy told him I checked it and told him he was at "Valley" (which is what he called the hospital) and that he was getting some new juice to drink. The man still ringing up the food talked to him like it was nothing - like all kids he meets have diabetes and I kept bagging and just listened. When I was paying the bill the man told Tommy his daughter has diabetes and she got it when she was 4 too. Tommy said "cool!" and he and I both smiled. I wasn't happy that his daughter had diabetes but I was so happy that he shared that with us. Tommy talked about the man the whole ride home. That he had diabetes like his Dad and his daughter had it like him. He wondered if she went to Valley too. It was the first thing he told Tom when we got home. What was the chance of that man being at the check out lane I picked on that day - I guess he was meant to be our angel that day. It let Tommy know he wasn't alone, not the only 4 year old with diabetes and it let me know Tom and I weren't alone, there was other parents out there going through the same we were.
Just recently I found another everyday angel. At the walk-a-ton for the JDRF I told Tom how much I liked one of the team's t-shirts they had made for their walkers. The back said "I walk for ________" and each person wrote in who they were walking for. We happened to be walking behind the parents'. I kept looking at the shirts "I walk for my daughter" and it was both sad and uplifting to me. I was sad because I realized there were so many parents, like us, with a young child dealing with this and I feel for all of those children. I was also encouraged because we weren't alone and if they could do it so could we. I started talking to the mom toward the end of the walk and found out she too had 3 kids but her middle child was the one who has diabetes and all her kids were about the same age as mine. The little girl was diagnosed when she was 11 months and now is almost 2. She showed Tommy her pump and he was amazed she had one and was even more shocked that she was little like Allison. Tommy made his way to the bounce house and I exchanged information with the mom. Every meal since Tommy came home from the hospital I felt like I was the only in the world juggling this chaos and it is comfort that there is another mom in the same boat as me. On the bad days I think about that mom and her bubbly personality - taking things in stride and I take a deep breath and do the same. At a walk with thousands of people and I meet the mom who is in a sense, me....what are the odds?
Of course my 3 everyday angels who are a consistent source of love and happiness are happily sleeping upstairs.
Just recently I found another everyday angel. At the walk-a-ton for the JDRF I told Tom how much I liked one of the team's t-shirts they had made for their walkers. The back said "I walk for ________" and each person wrote in who they were walking for. We happened to be walking behind the parents'. I kept looking at the shirts "I walk for my daughter" and it was both sad and uplifting to me. I was sad because I realized there were so many parents, like us, with a young child dealing with this and I feel for all of those children. I was also encouraged because we weren't alone and if they could do it so could we. I started talking to the mom toward the end of the walk and found out she too had 3 kids but her middle child was the one who has diabetes and all her kids were about the same age as mine. The little girl was diagnosed when she was 11 months and now is almost 2. She showed Tommy her pump and he was amazed she had one and was even more shocked that she was little like Allison. Tommy made his way to the bounce house and I exchanged information with the mom. Every meal since Tommy came home from the hospital I felt like I was the only in the world juggling this chaos and it is comfort that there is another mom in the same boat as me. On the bad days I think about that mom and her bubbly personality - taking things in stride and I take a deep breath and do the same. At a walk with thousands of people and I meet the mom who is in a sense, me....what are the odds?
Of course my 3 everyday angels who are a consistent source of love and happiness are happily sleeping upstairs.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
The Day of Diagnosis
The week leading up to Easter was a busy one. I was preparing for Easter, I took the kids to have their pictures taken wanting one last shot before our family expanded. I was also planning for Brady's arrival filling his closet with clothes he would need, cleaning bottles, buying all the things you need to fill Easter baskets and our home for a new baby. I did notice something in our crazy days - Tommy's thirst and his need to go to the bathroom EVERYWHERE we were. I now know where the bathroom is in just about every store we frequent. Then I noticed something that had never happened before - Tommy was having accidents. I had no idea what was going on. As it got closer to Easter his thirst had gotten worse he had gone from drinking 1 or 2 cups of juice and water to drinking that in less then an hour. I started giving him just water and figured we should make a trip to the doctor next week. His iron had been low in the past and I had wondered if that could have come back and been the cause but in the back of my mind and a thought I never said out loud - I wonder if he has diabetes. I was afraid if I said it I would be true.
So Easter weekend came and went and I had to co-op at his school on that Monday. Tom called the doctor and got Tommy an appointment for after lunch so we could get to the bottom of this problem. I prepared Tommy he may have to get his finger stuck and we brought a "fun" band-aid with us just in case. When we got to the doctor Tommy got to do the thing he found the most funny at his physical in December, pee in a cup. So he was having a good day - alone time with mom and a peeing in the cup moment at the doctor - he was happy. We waited in room 4 for the doctor. She came in and said Tommy had a lot of sugar in his urine and we had to go to the hospital. I asked if she thought he would need to stay and she said yes, probably for a few days. I didn't know what to say or do. I knew I couldn't be upset, I didn't want to scare Tommy so I went into Mommy mode.
I was glad Tom was home with Allison but I needed to find someone to come take care of her so he could come with us and I needed to pack for the hospital for Tommy and I. The ride home from the doctor was a blur. In between calling people to find someone to come to the house I was trying to explain what was about to happen to Tommy. How do you tell a 4 year old they need to stay at the hospital? I tried to be direct (because that works best with him) and let him know where we were going and why. I told him the doctor found lots of extra sugar in his body and we needed other doctors to look and find out why. I told him we would go to the hospital just like the place I had Allison and we might have to stay a few nights. I let him know I would be with him the whole time. He said ok and was excited about our "field trip" as he called it and we went home. I called Tom ahead of time to prep him - it allowed him time to process it all before we got there. I was trying to be as positive as I could because I didn't have the option to be upset at the time.
When I got home I did the best I could to write Allsion's schedule down and take out her food for a few days and make sure her bottles were ready. I packed for Tommy and I making sure all his favorite stuffed animals were with us. We arrived at the hospital around 4 and were taken right to the peds ER. At first they didn't do much, we waited, they asked questions and would stop by every once in a while. It wasn't till an hour had passed and began to think Tommy should eat that we starting asking what they were going to do and why we were waiting. As it turned out they were waiting for the endocrinologist to get there to admit him. Once they had their orders they put the IV in and took blood. That is when Tommy realized this wasn't a fun field trip. He was scared and I kept wishing I could take it all away. They took him to his room and he perked up a bit because he liked going for a ride in the wheelchair.
When we entered his room Tommy spotted the stuffed dog on the bed and was so excited to get a new friend. I saw the glucose meter and lots of other supplies we would be learning about. I took a deep breath because up until this point no one said he had diabetes and it was becoming very real. The nurse came in and explained the doctor would be in when she could. The doctor arrived at close to 10:00 pm - Tommy was tired and hungry - he just wanted to eat and go to bed. The doctor was so nice and kind and Tommy took to her right away. He was forgetting a bit about the IV and was enjoying the extra attention he was getting from everyone. The doctor began talking about the different kinds of insulin they use for kids Tommy's age, she was throwing around terms like carb coverage and A1C and I felt like yelling - are you sure he has diabetes - Tom was feeling the same way. She assured us the diabetic educator that was coming the next day would help us figure it all out and she would be back the following day. She left and Tommy got his first shot of Levemir and his blood tested. There are no words to describe what I felt and what Tommy must have been thinking. I was all happening so quickly.
Tom went home and I sat with Tommy till he fell asleep. I looked at this little boy asleep in the big hospital bed and I cried. I cried for him and how his world was changing, I cried for Allison and her first night without me, I cried for Brady who I would be having in 2 months and thought how will I have time for a newborn, I cried.
I am grateful though that our diagnosis story isn't like some where the children are very sick and need to be in ICU. I am grateful it was caught early and Tommy, although cranky, was in good health. You have to count your blessing where you can find them.
So Easter weekend came and went and I had to co-op at his school on that Monday. Tom called the doctor and got Tommy an appointment for after lunch so we could get to the bottom of this problem. I prepared Tommy he may have to get his finger stuck and we brought a "fun" band-aid with us just in case. When we got to the doctor Tommy got to do the thing he found the most funny at his physical in December, pee in a cup. So he was having a good day - alone time with mom and a peeing in the cup moment at the doctor - he was happy. We waited in room 4 for the doctor. She came in and said Tommy had a lot of sugar in his urine and we had to go to the hospital. I asked if she thought he would need to stay and she said yes, probably for a few days. I didn't know what to say or do. I knew I couldn't be upset, I didn't want to scare Tommy so I went into Mommy mode.
I was glad Tom was home with Allison but I needed to find someone to come take care of her so he could come with us and I needed to pack for the hospital for Tommy and I. The ride home from the doctor was a blur. In between calling people to find someone to come to the house I was trying to explain what was about to happen to Tommy. How do you tell a 4 year old they need to stay at the hospital? I tried to be direct (because that works best with him) and let him know where we were going and why. I told him the doctor found lots of extra sugar in his body and we needed other doctors to look and find out why. I told him we would go to the hospital just like the place I had Allison and we might have to stay a few nights. I let him know I would be with him the whole time. He said ok and was excited about our "field trip" as he called it and we went home. I called Tom ahead of time to prep him - it allowed him time to process it all before we got there. I was trying to be as positive as I could because I didn't have the option to be upset at the time.
When I got home I did the best I could to write Allsion's schedule down and take out her food for a few days and make sure her bottles were ready. I packed for Tommy and I making sure all his favorite stuffed animals were with us. We arrived at the hospital around 4 and were taken right to the peds ER. At first they didn't do much, we waited, they asked questions and would stop by every once in a while. It wasn't till an hour had passed and began to think Tommy should eat that we starting asking what they were going to do and why we were waiting. As it turned out they were waiting for the endocrinologist to get there to admit him. Once they had their orders they put the IV in and took blood. That is when Tommy realized this wasn't a fun field trip. He was scared and I kept wishing I could take it all away. They took him to his room and he perked up a bit because he liked going for a ride in the wheelchair.
When we entered his room Tommy spotted the stuffed dog on the bed and was so excited to get a new friend. I saw the glucose meter and lots of other supplies we would be learning about. I took a deep breath because up until this point no one said he had diabetes and it was becoming very real. The nurse came in and explained the doctor would be in when she could. The doctor arrived at close to 10:00 pm - Tommy was tired and hungry - he just wanted to eat and go to bed. The doctor was so nice and kind and Tommy took to her right away. He was forgetting a bit about the IV and was enjoying the extra attention he was getting from everyone. The doctor began talking about the different kinds of insulin they use for kids Tommy's age, she was throwing around terms like carb coverage and A1C and I felt like yelling - are you sure he has diabetes - Tom was feeling the same way. She assured us the diabetic educator that was coming the next day would help us figure it all out and she would be back the following day. She left and Tommy got his first shot of Levemir and his blood tested. There are no words to describe what I felt and what Tommy must have been thinking. I was all happening so quickly.
Tom went home and I sat with Tommy till he fell asleep. I looked at this little boy asleep in the big hospital bed and I cried. I cried for him and how his world was changing, I cried for Allison and her first night without me, I cried for Brady who I would be having in 2 months and thought how will I have time for a newborn, I cried.
I am grateful though that our diagnosis story isn't like some where the children are very sick and need to be in ICU. I am grateful it was caught early and Tommy, although cranky, was in good health. You have to count your blessing where you can find them.
Sure I can Juggle
I never saw myself without a family. Even when my husband and I first started dating in high school I knew he was meant to be my husband and I knew I wanted a family. He always said he wanted 6 kids but after the first he scaled down to 3 or 4. HA! So I knew our house would be filled and our lives would be busy. I'm good at multi-tasking - I like having a lot to do. In school I always signed up for lots of activities and when I started work I worked jobs from home and started to teach. When Tommy was born I found having a baby is a new kind of busy. Your life becomes all about them and I loved it. After a few months we had a routine and we felt we'd be ready for baby #2 after Tommy turned 1. God had other plans and we waited for 3 1/2 years to welcome Allison. It was an adjustment to have a newborn and one in school. My days revolved around feedings and Tommy's school schedule. Some days were harder then others. Some days I woke up tired but as I discovered my sleepy mornings, afternoons, and evenings had more to do with being pregnant again than having 2 kids. It took a while for the shock to wear off and for me to come to terms with having a 4 year old, 1 year old and a newborn. How was I going to get anything done at home? How was I going to go to the store for food? How was I going to drop off and pick up from school? I stressed during feedings thinking about how was I going to be able to feed 2 children bottles at once? How can I give each of them the time they need? So many how, why, and whens entered my brain everyday. All those questions faded away on April 25th. Sitting in the hospital listening to the doctors after Tommy was diagnosed all the other questions just went away. It all seemed so silly to worry about now. The goal to learn all I needed to know to be able to bring Tommy home was all I was concerned with then. The day we came home from the hospital and I didn't have the nurses or the diabetic educator to turn to and make sure I was doing things correctly I realized my juggling act just got a bit more complicated. Tommy, who took pride in taking his lunch out, eating and cleaning everything up himself needed mom to look at what he was going to eat then mom needed to see what he had left on his plate. Going in the fridge and grabbing a juice box or grabbing a snack on the way to the playroom stopped. Luckily he adapted well and my juggling improved. As the months passed I found it easier to cope with the day to day strains of having so much responsibility. Going to shop-rite with 3 kids isn't so bad and I find carrying 2 kids up the stairs to pick Tommy up is just a work out squeezed into my day. Meals are my toughest challenge and require the most amount of my juggling skills. Tommy needs his blood checked, he needs his lunch, and his insulin, Ally needs her lunch and Brady needs a bottle. It all sounds so easy but in the moment when you are adding carbs and Ally is asking for her milk and Brady is crying for his bottle it isn't so easy. I feel like I've claimed a victory for all moms when lunch is done. It's all over so quick and am thankful Tom is home to help with dinner. I live meal to meal - if I think about the whole day it's overwhelming. So can I juggle - sure - I've even learned to give insulin while feeding Brady a bottle - now that's talent.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Meeting our 4th child
In 2006 we welcomed our first son, Tommy. It was a long pregnancy and the last few months I spent on modified bed-rest. We were concerned when we discovered he wasn't growing anymore and 3 weeks early I would be induced. The induction didn't work and after 3 days of labor he was delivered via c-section. At 5 pounds and 14 ounces he was tiny but he was the cutest baby I had ever seen, he was perfect. At only a few hours old we found out his blood sugar was low and would need to be in the NICU for a bit. A bit turned into a few days. His blood sugar came up quickly and the IV only needed to be in for 2 days but he wasn't eating well and couldn't find a formula he could keep down. His low blood sugar was unrelated to his current diabetes but now I see it as foreshadowing of our current state. We went through many things with Tommy and for much of his very early days he was in pain due to acid reflux that required medication and special, prescription formula. It was a hard time. Our first baby and we had no parenting experience to rely on. At a month old he developed psoriasis that covered his face, head and any folds in his arms or legs. Our beautiful baby boy now covered in dry, red patches. I look back at pictures of this happy baby smiling and think thank God it wasn't painful and I'm thankful I didn't see how bad it really was. Jump ahead 3 years - so many changes - no more acid reflux, no more psoriasis, nothing - he was perfectly healthy. His perfect health came in great timing, we were about to welcome a baby girl. Allison was born in June 2010 and life was great. She was born on time, she was healthy, no worries. We were busy but who isn't busy with a 4 year old and a newborn! Our life took another turn when Allison was 4 months old we found out we were going to have another baby! Brady was born a year and a day after Allison. But before we could celebrate the birth of our son Brady we had a shock that nothing could prepare us for, we discovered Tommy had diabetes, and so our 4th child was born. I think of Tommy's diabetes as another person in the house because it has it's own needs and time table. It has it's own doctor's appointments and special things to buy for it. Diabetes is another person that lives in our house and it's accepted but I do wish I could send it away.
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